Flawless: A Relentless Series Novel (The Relentless Series Book 4) Read online

  I turned away and faced the wall. “I don’t ever want Mason to know.”

  “You don’t have to tell him, honey.”

  “Luke found me?”

  She ran a hand up and down the sheet covering me, fussing with straightening it. “Yes, he’s in the waiting room. He wanted to be with you when you woke up, but they would only let one of us back here at a time. We’ve been switching every hour or so.”

  I turned back to her. “Hour or so? How long have I been out?”

  “About four hours. Dr. Parker gave you something for the pain. I knew it would probably keep you out for a while, but you know Luke. He’s stubborn as hell.”

  “Dr. Parker is the OB you wanted me to see?”

  I was so sick of asking all these damn questions. There weren’t actual answers for what happened, so why did it even matter?

  “Yeah. He’s the best in the city. He came as soon as he got my call.”

  She stared down at our hands. I cleared my throat and I pinned her with a hard look when she looked up at me. “Lexi, I know you better than anyone and I know you want to go call Mason right now, but I’ve been gone for almost four months and he hasn’t called. He hasn’t called,” I stressed. “Not once. He didn’t want me before and this won’t change a damn thing. I noticed that you didn’t say you wouldn’t call him, just that I didn’t have to.” She looked away, proving to me that I was right. “Please, I’m begging you, don’t call him. I’m not ready for that. For him. It’s too much.”

  Tears dripped down my face. The hard set of her jaw made me think for a second that she might fight me on this, but to my surprise, she didn’t.

  “I promise I won’t call him. I don’t like it, but you have your reasons and I’ll respect them.” She kissed my forehead and stood up. “Try to get some sleep. I’m going to go tell Luke you’re awake.”

  The last thought I had before I finally slipped back into sleep was that this was my punishment for deciding not to tell Mason about the baby.

  Tears streamed down my face, but I didn’t wipe them away. I wanted to feel all the pain from the day, wallow in all the misery. It might have been to punish myself, or maybe it was to reassure myself that I hadn’t trusted Mason then and I shouldn’t trust him now. I wasn’t sure, but I knew the pain was keeping me grounded. Making irrational decisions wasn’t something that I normally did, so I needed to think through my decision about the IVF, something I’d been putting off for way too long already.

  Everything about the divorce, the miscarriage, and if I wanted to have a baby swirled around in my head until it all became one thing. I still had time, but eventually, sooner rather than later, I would need to decide if I wanted to become a mom. My choices were limited. Would I ever be ready to be a single mom? Probably not, but becoming a mom wasn't an experience I was willing to give up, with or without a man.

  ***

  Maybe we shouldn’t have drank that night after all the heavy things we’d talked about, but the liquor went down easy as we watched cheesy chick flicks in our suite. Dinner had been a somber affair, so maybe that was why we decided to open the vodka. Whatever bad decision that led us to it, I regretted the hell out of it this morning. The hangover was worse than anything I’d had in years.

  Taylor drug me out of bed to go get breakfast, which helped, but I wasn’t thrilled about leaving my dark bedroom. Armed with dark, polarized aviators and big floppy hats, we decided to spend our last day down at the pool and stare at the cabana boy again. I’d been right and he did try to get our section every day while we were there. Taylor and I kept our conversation light, none of the heavy hitting stuff like the day before. Neither one of us wanted our vacation to end on such a sour note. Plus, I was emotionally drained.

  I hugged Taylor tightly at the airport. Being around her had helped, even though it was a short trip. Living across the country from each other hadn’t been easy after spending our whole childhood right down the street, but we were making it work.

  “So you’re coming for Harper’s first birthday, right?”

  I winced. “I’m going to try, but I might have to go to England on business.”

  She smiled sadly. “Okay, jet setter; make sure you call at least. We’ll miss you.”

  “If I could be there I would,” I whispered. When she nodded, I knew she understood my double meaning. “Tell everyone I love them and miss them.”

  I pulled back from our hug and picked up my bags.

  “Hey Em?” I looked up at my best friend. “Just be happy. It doesn’t matter if it’s with Adam or Mason, just make sure you’re happy.”

  I nodded. “You too, Taylor. If you want to be with Stephen, tell him. He deserves to know and you deserve to be happy.”

  She waved as I walked towards my gate. Her words echoed through my head. Be happy. It seemed so simple. Actually getting to that point wasn’t though. Now, I had to figure out what I was going to do to make it happen. A guy wasn’t going to make me happy, but maybe allowing myself to move on might help. As I settled into my seat, I put my earbuds in and tried to think about what made me happy.

  I had six and a half hours to figure it out.

  A week after I got back from Vegas, I was finally able to catch up with Lexi. She sipped her coffee as I told her about the call from Mason before the trip, and my difficult conversations with Taylor. She didn't seem all that surprised that he’d called, but it sure as hell had shocked me. After my long plane ride, I’d decided I wanted to move on and forget about Mason. The man had hurt me in every way conceivable. I still loved him and it hurt like hell to think about the divorce, but it was time to let him go.

  "Earth to Emmy," Lexi called, waving her hands in front of my face.

  "Sorry, I'm here."

  She set her coffee on the table and looked at me in concern. "You've been distant lately. What's going on in that pretty little head of yours?"

  I let out a heavy breath and tried to explain. It was difficult enough just trying to figure where my head was myself, let alone trying to explain it to someone. "Mason really hurt me. He still knows how to hurt me, but something about that call made me wonder. When I pushed the issue of New York he got mad. That’s when he told me it was over, but part of me made me think that’s not what he actually wanted."

  "You think he promised someone he wouldn't leave Savannah?" she asked.

  "Maybe. Am I sounding completely nuts?" I asked, biting my lip.

  She laughed. "No, not really. I think you should call him and talk to him again. Preferably with him sober this time."

  I sighed. "Maybe I’m reading into things."

  "You won't know until you ask him, honey, and it's going to bug you until you do."

  “I can’t ask him. I’m not sure I want to hear his answer."

  Lexi pulled her sunglasses down over her nose and pinned me with a hard look. "Emerald Carter Davis, you are one of the strongest people I know. You need to make a decision when it comes to those two men you have, or you might just find yourself losing both of them." I shook my head and she went on. “What happened to our little business mogul? The girl who went to Paris to model to pay for law school? Where did that girl go?”

  I sighed again. "I wish I knew. This is driving me nuts. I feel like I'm leading Adam on, but when I'm with him, everything is perfect for a little while. I forget about Mason. What I have with Adam is exactly how I wanted my marriage to be."

  This time the look that Lexi gave me was more sympathetic. "Make sure you choose the one that is going to love you the best."

  “I’m not going back to Mason,” I said automatically.

  She looked at me skeptically, but finally nodded. I leaned back in my chair and tried to calm my nerves. Mason loved me and he missed me, but that didn't mean that he would uproot his life for me. He’d already divorced me because he wasn’t willing to. So why was I wasting my time even considering that Mason might change his mind suddenly after one phone call?

  I just wished he would tell
me why. I deserved closure.

  ***

  Adam and I were on our first date in weeks. He looked sexy as hell in his dark sports coat and slacks. Most of the time he lived in scrubs, so seeing him dressed up was always a treat. I wasn’t about to complain either way though. He understood my work schedule could be just as crazy as his. Except with him, he never knew when someone would go into labor. We were constantly either rescheduling or interrupted on our dates. He loved his job, so I did the best I could to be understanding and supportive. It made having alone time with him impossible some days, though.

  The restaurant he’d chosen was incredibly romantic and we were having an amazing time, until Adam dropped a huge bomb on me.

  I looked over the table at him like he sprouted two heads.

  "Just hear me out," he said quickly.

  We were sitting at dinner and he had just proposed the most ridiculous idea I had ever heard of. Adam Parker had officially lost his mind. My stress level was at a ten from everything going on at work and in my personal life. Now he wanted to go on a weekend trip to a bed and breakfast in Maryland.

  He offered up a place in Vermont too, but he was leaning towards the one in Maryland.

  My mind was spinning as he described the beautiful place he wanted us to visit. I was floored by the fact that he’d realized I was so stressed out, but that didn't mean I was ready to go away with him. The last thing I needed was to think about sex right now. My face flushed as I thought of the possibilities.

  Sex with Adam would be amazing if and when it happened. The man had a talented mouth, but—no, I couldn’t go there.

  "Adam, this is an insane idea. It has to be hard for you to get time off from the hospital. You're booked out for months at a time with patients."

  His blue eyes were pleading with me to say yes. "It wasn't easy, but I think you need to get away from everything and everyone. We need to get away. You haven't been yourself lately. I know that the last six months of your life have been hell, but eventually you have to start moving on."

  "It wasn't easy?" I asked as I huffed a laugh.

  "I just want to help."

  He shrugged helplessly. Tears blurred my vision as I reached out and grabbed his hand.

  "You are the sweetest thing."

  "So what do you think, should I make the reservations?"

  As nervous as I was, I wanted to spend the weekend with him. He wasn’t the kind of guy to pressure me into sex, but just being with him was going to be tempting. "Make the reservations wherever you want. Either sounds wonderful, honey."

  Adam smiled at me, clearly happy with my decision. The waiter came up and asked if we wanted any dessert; I was going to say no, but Adam looked up and said, "Please bring a piece of the chocolate cake and two glasses of champagne."

  I looked over at him questioningly.

  "We're celebrating because you actually said yes to going on a romantic vacation with me."

  I laughed. "Did you think I was going to say no?"

  "Honestly? Yeah I did."

  "Why?" I asked in confusion.

  He looked pensive before finally answering. "You have been really reserved about spending any time with me lately. We've been friends for over a year now, but it’s been hard to convince you to even come out to dinner since Georgia. I know it has something to do with Mason, but you've been pushing me away for months now. I have to say, it makes me a little nervous."

  "Oh, Adam." I took his hand in mine. "I'm so sorry that you feel like you have something to worry about. I've been trying to handle everything on my own and not drag you into my messed up marriage. I’ll tell you anything you want to know."

  Except that I had sex with my soon-to-be-ex-husband while I was in Georgia. And that it might or might not be the reason I’m pushing you away. I won’t tell you that.

  I wouldn't lie to him, but I really didn't want to explain that. Adam let me lean on him when I needed it most after moving to New York. We’d talked my relationship with Mason to death already.

  Why did this all have to be so damn difficult? Why couldn't I just be like every other woman and be happy that I had moved on and had a great guy sitting in front of me?

  A guy who wanted me.

  And enjoyed spending time with me.

  In the same fucking state.

  "It's fine, Em. I know you’re going through some shit. Believe me, my ex screwed up my head too. I understand. We had some slip ups when we saw each other after we filed,” he said pointedly. My eyes flew to his. Did he know? “And it has to be weird talking about your ex-husband with the guy you've been dating." My head dipped, breaking eye contact with Adam. "Hey, I didn't mean that in a bad way. You know I love talking to you, no matter what we’re talking about."

  "I know. It's just weird that I thought I was divorced for a whole year, and then I found out I'm not. Mason never gave me a good reason why he never filed the paperwork.” I messed with my water glass. “I guess I've felt a little lost lately. This situation hasn't been easy to try to process. I thought I was moving past it and starting to feel like myself after the divorce, then the miscarriage. Now it feels like everything's falling apart again."

  Adam squeezed my hand. "You don’t have to figure everything out this second. If Mason didn't realize what he had, and he let you go a second time, he's an even bigger douchebag than I thought he was."

  I choked out a laugh.

  "Thanks, Adam."

  The waiter brought our cake and champagne and slipped away quietly. Adam handed me a glass and held his up in a toast.

  "To new beginnings."

  ***

  "Oh fuck Em. That feels so good."

  Fingers tangled in the back of my hair as I ran my tongue along the ridge of his hard length. He shuddered when his grey eyes met mine.

  "Should I get you off in my mouth first, so when you fuck me you can last longer?" I asked teasingly.

  Groaning out his approval, his hips thrust forward letting me know just how much he liked that idea. I squealed when he picked me up like a ragdoll and put us in a sixty-nine position. His mouth found my clit quickly. He sucked hard, following it up with soothing laps of his tongue. I squirmed against him until he smacked my ass to make me stop. In punishment, I sucked his cock into the back of my throat. He thrust in further until I started to gag. It took me a few seconds to relax my jaw, allowing him to slide in easier. His hips started thrusting faster the closer he got to his orgasm. We were racing now to see who would be able to make the other come first.

  "Dirty girl, you like this don't you?” he asked as he took a deep breath.

  I moaned in pleasure, making him groan as the vibrations of my mouth surrounded his cock. He bit down lightly on my clit and moved another of his fingers to just brush against my tight asshole. He was fighting dirty and I loved it. I slid my hand up to cup his balls and put pressure right behind them as I sucked him as far back into my throat as I could. His body tensed up and I knew he was seconds away from coming. He bit down on my clit again and as my orgasm started he slid his finger into the forbidden spot, making me come harder than I ever had before. Hot jets of his cum hit the back of my throat and I swallowed around my moans. He swirled his tongue once more around my sensitive clit.

  It was too much.

  Another orgasm worked its way through my body, causing me to yell out Mason’s name.

  I woke up moaning and my whole body tingled. Oh hell, not again. This was the third time this week I’d woken up to a sex dream. Why did it have to be him? I turned to look at the clock and winced as my nipples rubbed against the silk nightgown I’d worn to bed. They were so sensitive. It was two in the morning and I was wide awake.

  This had to stop. It was getting harder and harder to sleep. If it wasn't nightmares, it was sex dreams. My subconscious was telling me something, I just didn't know what it was. Or maybe I did and I just wanted it to stop. I pulled the pillow over my face and screamed.

  My day hadn’t gotten much better after wak
ing up in the middle of the night. Instead of trying to go back to sleep, I’d worked on contract amendments I’d been putting off, which meant I spent all day distracted because of my lack of sleep. Within two minutes of leaving the apartment, I spilled a scalding hot cup of coffee on me in the cab on the way to work. Traffic was brutal, so I was late to an important meeting about Luke's contract. Last but not least, my advisory board told me that I really shouldn't take time off so soon after my last vacation. They couldn’t tell me no, I was the boss, but they could make my life hell. The kicker was, I’d taken off two hours. Two hours.

  Assholes.

  All I wanted was to curl up in the tub and drink a glass of wine while I forgot about this awful day, but one look at Lexi when I walked into the apartment told me it wouldn't be happening any time soon. Lexi was leaned down against the wall, hugging her knees to her chest.

  "What's wrong?" I asked, rushing over to her side.

  "Stephen got into a car accident and he's in a coma. The doctors don't know if he's going to make it,” she sobbed.

  My heart sank in my chest. Stephen was like a brother to me. I couldn’t lose him too. Poor Taylor, she must be a wreck. How much more pain could our little family take?

  "What can I do?"

  "I have a flight scheduled, but it's not for another three hours. Taylor is going out of her mind and I don't know what to do to help. God, I want to blame her for this whole fucking thing. If he hadn’t been rushing home to see her—Emmy, what am I going to do if Stephen doesn't make it?"

  "Oh, honey. Stephen is strong. He will make it through this." I hoped I wasn't lying, but Lexi needed some comforting words and I felt so helpless. "You and Taylor need each other. It’s not her fault, you know that.”